My halo is bent

Today is one of THOSE days; the kind that you feel a bit distressed but with no real reason. Ya know? I woke up this morning having to CHOOSE to not be mopey today.

I started the day doing the things that make me happy-feeding the goats and dogs, an hour on the treadmill and free weights (yes for what ever reason that really makes me happy) long hot shower, and then I made a cake and chicken spaghetti because half of my babies (the local half) are coming for dinner tonight-yay! So again, I have no reason to be distressed.

Then of course I start to get a little anxious; is it maybe something in the spiritual realm? Am I clue-ing in on something going on there, or worse, something about to happen? (this would be the "glass half empty" person inside me) So I spend the rest of the morning wondering about that. Great. Now I'm stressing over crap that not only hasn't happened but I don't even know if it WILL happen!!

I have decided through this entire process though that my biggest problem here is my lack of trust in the Lord (big shocker there huh?) It makes me so freakin mad at myself because not only can I spout scriptures telling me why I should have complete confidence in God, I have SO MANY past experiences SHOWING me how faithful He is to handle my life and how trustworthy He truly is. It's kinda like the Israelites roaming around the desert for 40 years. They had witnessed miracle after miracle (parting of the Red Sea, bread and quail falling from the sky, water from a rock, and who knows what else that didn't get written down?) but yet when it's time to go into the Promised Land they get scared because it's inhabited by giants. I always thought that was so stupid; I mean giants by whose standards is the first thing I want to know, secondly, if God has done all of that other stuff, why didn't they think He could handle a few giants? Oh wait-now that hits too close to home doesn't it?
Do I feel as if there will someday be a situation that God can't handle ? Well I have to say no if I answer right now, but I am acting like that could be the case down the road. But the coolest thing is, God loves me in spite of my doubt. He is still working on me, and as much as I would LOVE to say that I have it all together all the time, the truth is I am so far away from "together" and my halo is bent. But you know what? I love that it is bent, and tarnished, and scuffed up. It just shows that everytime something happened, God picked me up, plopped it back on my head, and gave me a shove back onto the right direction.

I may be "glass half empty" for now, but my halo shows that at least I'm HIS "glass half empty" and He has it all under control. I have complete confidence that one day I will trust fully in that! (okay, I somewhat have the confidence to believe that-I told you...He's still working on me)

I'm gone.