It's All Relative

Fire In My Bones- Post by Liz Ketcher Catlin It's All Relative (original posting 10/24/2011 to Serendipity blog) So yesterday I had a friend ask me if I am happy and my reply was "relatively". At the time, I thought I knew what I meant by that...the conversation goes on, we talk about life, love, and the seemingly never ending pursuit of happiness, and I begin to wonder at my response. RELATIVELY...what DID I mean exactly by that? The word means "in comparison with something else". What is the "something else"? What do I feel I'm missing? Quite alot actually. I'm 48 years old; pretty intelligent on a good day; I think I've gained some wisdom through out my years, and yet....I find my self at a stalemate... at a draw in lifes game. (The word "stalemate" is also used for a metaphor when a conflict has reached an impasse and resolution seems difficult or impossible, i.e. a no-win situation.)I use that Wiki reference here because that sums up my feelings on any given day. I know I have something to offer this world, and I know from my own choices I have greatly limited my abilities to do so; what now? What next?? How does a married woman with business ties to her husband as well, separate herself as an individual who has ideas of her own and wants to implement those ideas and the talents that God has given her without it being detrimental to the marriage? And how does she NOT do this without dying a slow mental death? I truly believe the adage " without the ability to express yourself, you die a little bit each day". I used the term "forfeit" the other day in a group setting, in terms of what I feel we sometimes have to do with our own plans when we get married. The response was hilarious; An audible gasp. It was as if I had used some profane word. Yet, the more I thought about it later, I wondered how many others feel the same? ARE there others who feel the same? I think there are many of us, male and female who have used that exact word for their situation and I think it's wrong; wrong that we feel that way; wrong that we do feel that way; and wrong that we feel trapped by it. Yes, we make choices, and yes all choices come with repurcussions and consequences, but who's to say we can't right those wrongs within the perameters of keeping our present commitments? I know this to be true but haven't quite figured out how. In the end, I believe Jeremiah 29:11 " For (He) knows the plans (He) has for me; plans for a future and a hope" so I guess I will continue to pray for His will to be done and for me to recognize it when it gets here. In the meantime, I hope this resonated with someone else and that while you too may be feeling the ill effects of a life in limbo, you will also rest in the knowledge that He is God and "all things (really) do work together for (our) good". I'm gone.