A Reluctant Post

As you know if you have read my bio on this blog that my intent here is to be open, honest, and totally transparent...well, here is me being all three. My online devo that I receive daily and post periodically was very good today, too good in fact. It dealt with bitterness and forgiveness, and in any other circumstances I would have posted it, but this one hit too close to home and I am still thinking on it. I did decide however to go ahead and write this down just in case there were others who needed to be prompted to really search your heart; to see if you are keeping bitterness and resentment stored there. Notice I didn't say "hidden" there? That's because as I read the devo, I piously thought to myself "nope, I'm good here, no unforgiveness in me." Then as I read the relating story, I felt indignation rise up in defense of the unforgiver in the story, realizing, that yes...I do harbor resentment and yes, I did know it was there, I just pretend it really isn't; that "all is well with my soul". Well it isn't and I have to chose this morning whether I will deal with it or stuff it back into the compartment of my heart where it's out of sight until this person does something to make me mad enough to whip it out and wallow in it; justifying all my feelings of anger, rage, and yes, even hatred at times. That is hard for me to swallow as I type this...that there are feelings like this inside me; I mean after all I'm a Christian; I'm washed in the blood, made pure and holy right? Yes, I am but I also think our righteousness is like that T-shirt that was everywhere in the 1980's "Be Patient, God's not Finished With Me Yet" (by the way, I HATED that shirt) but I think it's right on in this case. Just because we come to know the Lord doesn't mean, actually very rarely ever means, that He is going to deliver you from everything you have wrong in you r life in that moment of conversion. I mean seriously should He do that we would not be the same person, being altered like that over night. And God is all about keeping us the same person He created us to be, just consecrated and cleansed. So it makes sense that He would take it slow, drawing out our sinful ways, so that we would recognize the need for forgiveness and His sacrifice for us. Evidently this one is something He knew I wasn't ready for and would most likely spend most of my time justifying (and just so you know, there is SO much about this offense that would give me justification to withhold forgiveness had Jesus not paid the price for it and commanded me to offer it---see!!! Even now my spirit wants to qualify why I am bitter!) All of this to say, we know, especially as women, that there are things that would make us appear unattractive, so we keep them hidden; flaws that we cover up with the use of pricy cosmetics so that others won't see. This is one of mine; with this one person, and for a very long time. And apparently God wants me to deal with it now. At some point I may post the other devo but for now read the accompanying scripture and think to yourself "is there any root of bitterness that I have failed to cut out that may hinder my walk with the person and more importantly with God?" After all, why should I be the only one to be miserable all day about this? :) "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many," (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).